Strategies for a Happy Life

How to Be Happy
By Tara Parker-Pope @nytimeswell

Behavioral scientists have spent a lot of time studying what makes us happy (and what doesn’t). We know happiness can predict health and longevity, and happiness scales can be used to measure social progress and the success of public policies. But happiness isn’t something that just happens to you. Everyone has the power to make small changes in our behavior, our surroundings and our relationships that can help set us on course for a happier life.

Mind
Happiness often comes from within. Learn how to tame negative thoughts and approach every day with optimism.
CONQUER NEGATIVE THINKING

All humans have a tendency to be a bit more like Eeyore than Tigger, to ruminate more on bad experiences than positive ones. It’s an evolutionary adaptation — over-learning from the dangerous or hurtful situations we encounter through life (bullying, trauma, betrayal) helps us avoid them in the future and react quickly in a crisis.

But that means you have to work a little harder to train your brain to conquer negative thoughts. Here’s how:

Don’t try to stop negative thoughts. Telling yourself “I have to stop thinking about this,” only makes you think about it more. Instead, own your worries. When you are in a negative cycle, acknowledge it. “I’m worrying about money.” “I’m obsessing about problems at work.”

Treat yourself like a friend. When you are feeling negative about yourself, ask yourself what advice would you give a friend who was down on herself. Now try to apply that advice to you.

Challenge your negative thoughts. Socratic questioning is the process of challenging and changing irrational thoughts. Studies show that this method can reduce depression symptoms. The goal is to get you from a negative mindset (“I’m a failure.”) to a more positive one (“I’ve had a lot of success in my career. This is just one setback that doesn’t reflect on me. I can learn from it and be better.”) Here are some examples of questions you can ask yourself to challenge negative thinking.

First, write down your negative thought, such as “I’m having problems at work and am questioning my abilities.”

Then ask yourself: “What is the evidence for this thought?”
“Am I basing this on facts? Or feelings?”
“Could I be misinterpreting the situation?”
“How might other people view the situation differently?
“How might I view this situation if it happened to someone else?”
The bottom line: Negative thinking happens to all of us, but if we recognize it and challenge that thinking, we are taking a big step toward a happier life.

CONTROLLED BREATHING

Science is just beginning to provide evidence that the benefits of this ancient practice are real. Studies have found, for example, that breathing practices can help reduce symptoms associated with anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and attention deficit disorder. For centuries yogis have used breath control, or pranayama, to promote concentration and improve vitality. Buddha advocated breath-meditation as a way to reach enlightenment.

Try it.
REWRITE YOUR STORY

Writing about oneself and personal experiences — and then rewriting your story — can lead to behavioral changes and improve happiness. (We already know that expressive writing can improve mood disorders and help reduce symptoms among cancer patients, among other health benefits.)

Some research suggests that writing in a personal journal for 15 minutes a day can lead to a boost in overall happiness and well-being, in part because it allows us to express our emotions, be mindful of our circumstances and resolve inner conflicts. Or you can take the next step and focus on one particular challenge you face, and write and rewrite that story.

We all have a personal narrative that shapes our view of the world and ourselves. But sometimes our inner voice doesn’t get it right. By writing and then editing our own stories, we can change our perceptions of ourselves and identify obstacles that stand in the way of our personal well-being. The process is similar to Socratic questioning (referenced above). Here’s a writing exercise:

Write a brief story about your struggle. I’m having money problems. I am having a hard time making friends in a new city. I’m never going to find love. I’m fighting with my spouse.
Now write a new story from the viewpoint of a neutral observer, or with the kind of encouragement you’d give a friend.
Money is a challenge but you can take steps to get yourself into financial shape.
Everyone struggles in their first year in a new city. Give it some time. Join some groups.
Don’t focus on finding love. Focus on meeting new people and having fun. The rest will follow.
Couples argue. Here’s what your situation looks like to a neutral observer.

Numerous studies show that writing and rewriting your story can move you out of your negative mindset and into a more positive view of life. “The idea here is getting people to come to terms with who they are, where they want to go,” said James Pennebaker, a psychology professor at the University of Texas who has pioneered much of the research on expressive writing.  “I think of expressive writing as a life course correction.”

GET MOVING

When people get up and move, even a little, they tend to be happier than when they are still. A study that tracked the movement and moods of cellphone users found that people reported the most happiness if they had been moving in the past 15 minutes than when they had been sitting or lying down. Most of the time it wasn’t rigorous activity but just gentle walking that left them in a good mood. Of course, we don’t know if moving makes you happy or if happy people just move more, but we do know that more activity goes hand-in-hand with better health and greater happiness.

PRACTICE OPTIMISM

Optimism is part genetic, part learned. Even if you were born into a family of gloomy Guses, you can still find your inner ray of sunshine. Optimism doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of a dire situation. After a job loss, for instance, many people may feel defeated and think, “I’ll never recover from this.” An optimist would acknowledge the challenge in a more hopeful way, saying, “This is going to be difficult, but it’s a chance to rethink my life goals and find work that truly makes me happy.”

And thinking positive thoughts and surrounding yourself with positive people really does help. Optimism, like pessimism, can be infectious. So make a point to hang out with optimistic people.

Perfect Yoga Pose for Relaxation and Anti-Anxiety

Magarasana:  Crocodile

The Perfect yoga pose for retraining your body to Relaxation Breathing Naturally.

Breathing normally and naturally is Very important to your level of relaxation and calmness; very important to your overall health.

When we breathe high in the chest area, we are not getting a full natural breath. Even if you breathe faster or slower, if you are breathing high in your chest (your upper chest, ribs and shoulders are moving when you breathe) you are not getting enough air. This will contribute to your stress, anxiety and fear level.

Normal Natural breath is a Diaphragmatic Breath or a Relaxation Breath, as I like to call it. This breath originates from the diaphragm muscle, which is located  across the body below the lungs. When you are breathing normally your stomach area below the rib cage and above the navel will rise and fall. The Diaphragmatic Breathe originates here.

For example, when you watch a toddler running around in their diaper, you will notice that their nice round little belly is easily and freely moving in and out. You do not see their upper chest, ribs and shoulders heaving up and down, right?
This is because they haven't yet experienced any trauma or drama in their lives. Observe this phenomenon the next chance you get.

Some people have been breathing so long in a "Fight, Flight or Freeze" breathe that they have difficulty getting back to a normal breath. For those people there is a simple exercise:
The Crocodile

This is a simple Relaxing yoga pose that anyone can do.

1.    First lay on your belly on the floor.  Put your legs about a few feet apart. Drop your heels inward,                     or move your legs to what is a comfortable position for you.

2.    Next put you arms in front of you, so that your upper chest is off the ground and hold onto your elbows, making a square with your arms. Rest your forehead on you top arm. Close your eyes and Relax, Breathe.

3.Notice that you feel only your legs, hips and lower abdomen on the floor.

This position provides a gentle compression to your lower stomach and abdomen that provides you with physical feedback on your diaphragmatic breathing. It helps you learn to do this correctly.

The gentle compression is very soothing and comforting. Slow and deepen your breathing.

This is a beautiful yoga pose for Self Calming and Restoring Natural Relaxed breathing. It is helpful for headache relief and calming digestion.

Strongly recommended for the treatment of Stress and Anxiety.

Amelia Hasenohrl, LPC, CHt.                  April 7, 2016

Emotional Coping Strategies

Journaling – Write about your thoughts and feelings in a notebook. Retell your experience of what you thought, felt and experienced about an event in the greatest detail. Give yourself the permission to express your opinion without censoring or concerns about what others would think about what you’ve written. This notebook is for your eyes only and to share only if you wish to.

Letter Writing – Write a letter to someone with the intention that the letter will never be sent to them. This allows you to express your thoughts and feelings very truthfully as you are injuring no one with your candid expressions of how you feel and what you think.

Positive Affirmations / Positive Self Talk – Use positive statements of your goals and desires. Statements that are stated in the first person, and present time, in a positive manner. These statements are stated in such a way as if the goal is already accomplished.
(Examples: I am a Non-smoker; I eat healthy foods; I enjoy daily excercise; I am calm and relaxed).

Assertiveness – Practice stating how you feel about an event or interaction with another person. Use the formula: 1. Name the behavior. 2. State how that makes you feel. 3.State how you want their behavior to change. (Example: When you speak to me in that tone of voice, it makes me feel angry and defensive. Please use a calm tone of voice when you need to tell me how to do something).

Take Time – Take time to respond to an emotional situation. You do not have to respond to situations immediately. Taking time gives you a chance to sort out your feelings and make a choice about how you respond and what you choose to say to someone. Even if it takes a month or a year to sort out your feelings regarding an incident. It is never to late to return to the subject and process it, telling someone how you feel about it and the effect it had on you.


Amelia Hasenohrl, LPC, CHt. August 26, 2009
Licensed Professional Counselor